things i’ve noticed about california

~Cosmo



anything that is new always seems foreign and unfamiliar...that's what's so cool about moving to another place, you walk out the door and you don't know where you are! ha but the more you do & the more places you go...and it all starts to come together. it's all about discovery & where you are going that makes these unfamiliar baby steps seem so dreamy & unreal. being in california (this is my 3rd time out here) seems oddly different than the other times i was here. like you're looking at it from different angles... but after about 3 wks of fully getting into the whole california vibe i'll have to say that a couple things are pretty noticeable. the 1st thing that i "noticed" is the driving out here...it's funny but the drivers out here aren't really in a hurry like they are on the east coast...jesus! driving thru atlanta is like being raped! you miss an exit and you have to drive 50 miles before you can correct yourself & you're making split sec decisions at 80 mph! here...it's like when you watch ants...ants walking in a nice orderly line! some carrying little sand granules...but keeping the pace in a very timely fashion....i swear to god, i get in the left lane on any highway out here and i'm at a steady 70/80 and not even blinking...everybody else stays in the middle or right lanes and drive an orderly 55 to 65 maybe. simple enough huh? except that you must 1st get onto the freeway & i swear to god...nobody is going to let your fucking ass in! i don't care if you beg! i close my eyes & i can see the stern faces! old asian ladies is what i see! holding onto their 9/5 space occupied by their automobile! but being an overly aggressive driver that i am...it's usually not even mentioning as a problem. i think that californians are doing more important shit than stressing over getting from point a to point b in x amount of time...they just don't give a shit (which is funny) and i think that it's because 1/2 the people out here are on something...mood altering drugs maybe...anti depressants maybe? i don't know...i see friendly faces & wide open spaces! hhahahaha maybe it's just me or maybe wishful thinking...that next to arnold i'm the other fastest thinking guy out here! can it be? ok...here's something else i noticed...and i don't want you to think that i'm being stereotypically racial or anything...but one thing that i REALLY noticed is asian or indian or mexican people out here DON'T have an accent! look man, being 1/2 japanese myself, i'm used to seeing my mom struggling w/ the english language my whole life...out here especially older asian people speak like....(and don't take this the wrong way) but they speak like your typical white guy! it's funny! we were in this sushi place & this older japanese guy was preparing some noodles for us & i asked a question...and expected this broken english response...he speaks up & almost sounds like he's from brooklyn! jesus! me & jazz cracked up! ok & another thing....there's no fat people out here! back in ga, it was like every 3rd person you saw was morbidly obese (300 pounders) everywhere! riding around in their motorized chairs... out here, people are fit! and gorgeous! not pamela anderson bleached blonde types...more like fit individuals who realize that they have one life & being a non functioning blob isn't an option ... people aren't quick to enable that kind of behavior out here. living in the japantown area of san jose is really cool too...it's really diverse here w/ many different ethnicities & cultures...and the food is fabulous! the ethiopian gives me the willies but every thing else is quite yummy...i DO miss the new peking buffet on wash rd though...nothing like americanized greasy msg ridden chinese food! not the real deal chinese food that you get out here!!!



ahahaha just a few observations from a new california resident!


i love it out here ! & i'm going to end this quickly because my comp is about to lock up again!won't be posting any new videos on myspace...apparently the music i used behind a new video i just made violated the myspace copyright infringement rules & they've banned me from uploading any of my vids...oh well, jazz'll do it i guess...that's what i get for lifting a song off the last temptation of christ soundtrack! oh well.



Find more Cosmo at: http://www.myspace.com/heeerescosmo

so they left her on the tarmac!

~Chris

what was THAT situation like?

A couple of days ago I saw the story of the poor lady (whose arms did not seem to be broken mind you) that was left on the tarmac by the airport employees as everyone else boarded above and the rest of the luggage was loaded.

So, the plane takes off and there she is sitting on the tarmac....
Personally, I think that I would rather enjoy the vantage point of seeing a plane take off from there. I mean who gets to see that in their life time?

Anyways, the daughter was pissed and Headline News decided that it was news worthy. Talk about a fluff piece. So what was the result? They put the lady (whose arms still don't seem to be broken) onto a later flight.

I am sure that this time they were sure to push this rather vibrant looking woman (whose arms really seem to be in working order) up to the plane to make sure she boarded this time fo sho!

Ha Ha Holidays

Coming up: Jake Steele with your sports and Hey Bob, what's the weather look like for this weekend????

More of my mess at: http://www.myspace.com/comedygold

Determinism? What’s the point of getting out of bed then?!!!

~Chris

From a paper that I wrote on Sartre in Fall of '07

Two points here:

1) “It was (or wasn’t) meant to be.”

I cannot believe that things are planned in advance.

That is just too easy and a much too lazy way to live your life.
Life IS randomness. Oh perhaps YOU may be pre-determined to some extent- but not your life.

2) Perception is reality.

I do believe that this phrase truly applies to everything that happens in this life. Where you stand determines what you see.

Happy? Sad? Hopeless? Inspired?

If you want to change what you see then change where you stand.
Likewise, if you want to alter your stance, then change how you look at things.

Gang, we cannot keep randomness from occurring.
But, we can indeed determine how to act upon that randomness in our lives.

I will never believe that God determined that I would get leukemia. And I do not believe that some old man in the clouds hovering over His chess board decided that I should live from that wretched disease. But, I do believe that this “source” or the “ground of all being” was there and worked with me to kick cancer’s dick in the dirt when I let It help me.

And I will take my universal source of all energy over your wizard in a throne room, thank you very much.

So, Sartre said,

“Life is nothing until it is lived; but it is yours to make sense of,

and the value of it is nothing else but the sense that you choose.”

My friends:

Your perception IS your reality.

In the end,

there is no one to judge us in the way that we judge ourselves.

And many times, it is in our judgment of ourselves that others will decide just how we are to be judged.

Michael Vick’s “house” here in Virginia

~Chris



So....

I am visiting the homestead over the holiday season and I am within an hour of where Michael grew up. I am about an hour from where the notorious house is that he bought for the cousins and friends and the dog torturing took place.

Apparently, the house sold as soon as the story broke by some wealthy man who was basically speculating that the house would sell for a ton when the story finally played out.

He bought it for like 250K or something the week that the story broke.

This past month he tried to sell it at auction and wanted no less than 750K.
The best offer was less than 500K so he didn't sell it.

All of this is quite depressing and sick in many ways.
And here is that creepiest part about this man trying to sell what he thought would be a "novelty" to potential buyers: he left ALL of the dog houses and cages and other constructions up and out for display. WTF?!?

This guy actually thought that the idea of dog fighting and the novelty of the Michael Vick case would be appealing to buyers. He is a sick twist....

So now he admits that maybe he needs to try to remove all of the remembrances and clean the place up of all torturing and then try to sell it again.

What a tool…

Evolution

~Jason

Evolution.

I don’t believe in it. Not to say that I don’t believe that living things evolve.
But, if there was such a thing it stopped the day we learned how to speak.

The main thing we use language for is to get someone to do, or get, something for us that we could do ourselves. We use it to hurt and belittle more than to help and support. And then this religion thing raises its ugly head. Killing people in the name of one’s GOD. What a weak GOD that must be not able to handle that part Himself.

And lying…. How quickly a baby learns to cry to get what they want although not in pain. Rewarded, the crying turns to words and lies, as the grow, embedded in their vocabulary as a means of getting others to do or get something they could get for themselves.

If we just could have kept our mouths shut a few more millennia. Spoke from the heart with our eyes, like the wolf, maybe we’d have something to say worth hearing.

Bowl Season

"...Well I want you to understand somethin'. To me, being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship to yourself and your family and your friends.

Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down, because you told them the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn't one more thing that you could've done. Can you live in that moment, as best you can, with clear eyes and love in your heart?

With joy in your heart?

If you can do that gentlemen, then you're perfect.

I want you to take a moment. And I want you to look each other in the eyes. I want you to put each other in your hearts forever, because forever's about to happen here in just a few minutes.

Boys, my heart is full. My heart's full."

~Friday Night Lights

It is difficult to live in the present,
ridiculous to live in the future,
and impossible to live in the past.

Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.


~Jim Bishop

Wednesday Night

~Jason

There was drama, oh yes!!
What should have been an easy evening was like sitting in a three leg chair. The tension was being poured out one & a half at a time and I don't know why.

Friends on edge, lovers ignoring each other, and strangers perched like vultures waiting to prey on either. This was one of those nights I'm glad I had that "invisible" quality.

A tiny, green frog jumped from a bar tap and landed on my shoulder. "What's up with these people tonight?" he said.

"Hell if I know...Full moon maybe?" I replied.

The frog laughed. "I don't come out on full moons...I know a cool little place up the road. Wanna go?"

"Sure, lets get outta of this amateur night."

I grabbed my smokes, finished my beer and headed towards the door. As I watched the frog hop out the entrance he stopped and saw me looking at him puzzled.

"What?" said the frog. I smiled,
"How little is this place?"

We laughed and went on our way...

the goofy loser fuck that shot up the mall

~Cosmo

i can see it now...another bunch of stupid unpopular kids watching what a big deal the media is making over this piece of shit that shot up the mall in nebraska. you don't think they want a piece of that action? hell yeah! because what is going on in their lives? just like the useless fuck that did the shooting they are approaching adulthood and the responsibilities that they didn't have before are practically crashing down on them now! job/rent/bills/gas a date these days costs 50 dollars minimum! what to do? what to do? hey! let's shoot up a mall or train station or a mcdonalds. that way you get all the attention that other kid got & you can be a star too. this country is based on this shit...cowboys & indians - good guys & bad guys shooting it out in the rootin tootin wild west! it's all media hype! bullshit! just today every media outlet in the world are releasing new surveillance pics of this dumb ass walking thru the mall shooting at his human targets - here he is by the mannequin about to shoot up billy & suzy & brad! and we all gape at this shit and shake our heads saying inside...i'm just glad it wasn't me hehehe but i'll look @ all the pictures because i'm such a loser boring fuck that all i can do to derive pleasure is to slow down and look at the poor bleeding accident victim....ah, poor guy (glad it's not me) ok, time to speed up again! the media creates these little useless fucks! and WE eat it up. it's supply and demand...it's feeding the christians to the lions! YEAH! that's why the 5 o'clock news never has good news anymore, that's known as fluff...who wants fluff? i just noticed where one of these pedophile hot teachers was banned from capitalizing on anything that has to do w/ her case for her entire 8 yr probationary period. that means no movie of the week...no book deals...no sexy interviews where all the sexual positions are discussed in some porn mag. and you know what? when it's over and she's done w/ her 8 yr probation, nobodies really going to care about her sexy crime anymore because the entire passionate situation has been diffused! it's rendered a non story! so this dickhead who shot up the mall...when he was watching the other fuck who was shooting up dairy queen or the greyhound bus terminal and getting all the star treatment...if THAT guy was simply referred to as the gunman w/ no pictures & no in depth expose about his stupid lonely past, maybe this nebraska mall shooter would have just turned off the tv & found some other way of being famous. but the media is always there to remind us, that there is hope...you can be a serial killer or highway sniper or a terrorist who blows up buildings full of people instead. who wants to be famous finding a cure for aids or cancer? that takes too much work.

See more Cosmo here: http://www.myspace.com/heeerescosmo

Dreams

~Jason

Dreams… I like them.

The feeling in the morning when you’re awake but still in touch with the surreal world you’ve just visited. Emotions and feelings not attached to words. You’re not there anymore but you’re not here yet. You leave the dream plane and walk towards the terminal of reality with a quiet subtle euphoria drifting away…

Then….

“Morning!”
“How ya feeling this morning?”
“Ya sleep alright?”

It’s gone…
Can’t even remember what you were dreaming about. Words attach to your thoughts like a virus and in a split second you’re back to the limited scheduled, ruled, world of reality.

Damn!

A Thanksgiving Day saunter

Okay
My original intentions today were to sit down and to write a long essay of all of the things wonderful about this day and perhaps rattle off a list of things that I am thankful for.

But really, I just think that I'll do a quick "thanks" to all of you for your support this past year. I have encountered a lot of kindness from so many people that I would never have expected.

Some that I assumed would never speak to me again have come out of the woodwork. You are wonderful…and with no termite damage at all….

One year ago, if anyone had told me that I would be here in this situation…. well… actually I would not have been that surprised. Of course, I may not have been able to call it happening like this, but I am still not surprised.

Let's take an overview:

I returned to Kennesaw as a base of operations among family and friends…
A hot little happening place outside of a hot big happening place
(you just have to wade through the thick barrier of traffic, smog, and road rage)

I re-started my academic career…
Writing and Philosophy were things already present in my life, so why not have some formal training, eh?

I cracked into Stand-up comedy…
Joined with above academic pursuits, who knows who how this will shape my new careerI've started freelancing as a private investigator…oh an odd freakin' way to make money on the side…but studying during a stake-out is a clever use of time…

I have retired from Radio…
Let's be honest here. I unfortunately left radio years ago and foolishly happened into sales instead of focusing on my own on-air career

I am taking a stab at Improv Comedy…
Damn….not as easy as it sounds… but then again, I have always been overly self-critical And somehow I am now trusted to be a "manny" and the voice of reason for a ten year old little girl, a fourteen year old boy, and a nineteen year old… and yet people are always nervous when I get into a room full of twenty-one year old girls….. oh yeah…they should be…

I am now eight days away from being completely debt-free and having a bank full of cash chapter closes and life now on my terms...at least there is that…

Most importantly, I have built a long list of friends- some of which I never thought would be in my world again. And some that I never thought would grow into genuinely nice people to have on my side in this life

No man is a failure that has friends

So yeah
Between the friends, the comedy, the cigars, the scotch, and the hookers, I have got a sitcom, a book, and a stand-up routine all right here that I dwell in on a daily basis.

Thanks for those of you that have laughed with me, drank with me, sexed with me, and learned from me and taught me…

Hey, I love you all so much that I want to take you behind the middle school and get you pregnant….

(yep chris wrote another long one after all… what a freakin' puss)

Happy Thanksgiving!

~Chris

This has been one of those days....

That is how a lot of sad-sap stories start off....

"woah is me"

"this isn't fair"

"why do these things always happen to me???"

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

Today is a good day. Blissful, some would say...

One of those days when things line up and you just "know"... ya know?

A couple of things happened.

And, sometimes I forget
(and have allowed others to make me falsely believe otherwise)
just how incredibly charmed my life is....

I got mad skills and I always seem to take my focus off of it somehow.....

Today was a reminder, a hint, of my magnificent possibility that is always just hangin' around.... waiting for me to reach over a grab it... and run with it...like a horse just grazing and wondering if I'm ever gonna sling that saddle back up there again... poor thing... I just keep forgetting about it.....

But, heh heh... Today I saw things lining up again... just like it is supposed to... without the musty, knotted ropes of misery tethering me down. Weighing-actually pulling- me down.

I forgot that I am Golden...

I didn't beat cancer for nothing, right?

Yesterday I woke up to a wimpy tune in the air:
How am I supposed to start fresh when my past just keeps reaching into my future
and pulling me into my present

Today, I was startled to:
Doing easily what others find difficult is talent;
doing what is impossible for others is genius.

And, throughout the day.... I could hear the bouncy and repetitive tune:
Your intelligence is measured by those around you;
if you spend your days with idiots you seal your own fate.
(that makes me laugh)

But finally tonight as I realize what is ahead for me.... I have to remember:
Talent is God-given. Be humble.
Fame is man-given. Be grateful.
Conceit is self-given. Be careful.

So, let's remember to be mindful, now...

Good times,
Good times indeed

~Chris

You should be doing this with your life

~Chris

Do This
Do That

Society says we should be doing this with our lives
The church tells us we should be doing that with our lives

We should be doing this for our family
We should be doing that for our children

We should be doing this for our finances
We should be doing that for our church

We should be doing this for the community
We should be doing that for the environment

Growing up we were told of what we should do with our lives

Our parents said we should be doing this with our lives
Government tells us we should be doing that with our lives

Our spouses claim we should be doing this with our lives
Capitalism says we should be doing that with our lives

Holidays demand money so that means we should be doing this with our lives
Religion claims us unworthy which commands us to be doing that with our lives

What did you do this month?

What did you do this year?

What are you doing tomorrow when you get up?

What do you "have" to do?

According to who?

So, just what should you be doing with your life?

And here is all I have discovered:
If you can completely shatter everything that you have been instructed about what you Should…Be…Doing

If you can completely tear down the guilt-ridden paradigm of what you Should…Be…Doing with your life, then you can do absolutely nothing for a change

Do nothing

Yes nothing…

To do absolutely nothing "for a change"
I mean NO THING… whether it be for just five minutes or Five hours… Five days…
Five weeks, Five months or even Five years

Just be quiet…. and do…. No…. Thing…

You may then have a chance to abandon all of the things

that you think that you

should be doing with your life

in order to finally have a comprehension

of all of the magnificent things that you

could be doing with your life

Slam Poetry and how to be a comedian

Taylor Mali made me do many things this past weekend during the two workshops and the performance Saturday night.

1) he opened my eyes to a lot of something that I did not know was out there

2) he made me appreciate something that I did not know was out there

3) he actually made me speak a lot slower this past week with no umms, no errrs, no uhhhhs, and to speak deliberately

4) he reminded me how vital it is to carefully choose your words

5) he made me say things in front a group of strangers that always before was "not my thing"...

6) he made me laugh out loud....many times...

7) he made me realize something that had been put on the back burner for a while.... philosophical, well-spoken intelligent humor IS still the most gratifying and really the funniest funny of all

8) he opened a new arena for comedy for me in a way that was precisely why I signed up for college...

CLICK BELOW FOR TALENT...

Taylor Mali What Teachers Make


~Chris

New England Tapriots.. Pat, I would like to buy an asterisk please

~Chris

I always knew Tom Brady was over-rated

But hooks, lines, and sinkers were always passed around in America for this goofball that simply drives a well-oiled machine that any above-average quarterback would have been able to manage over the last five years

It turns out there is a little ugliness to the Mr. Genius that has for all of these years fooled everyone into thinking "Brady is a god" (thanks Sports Illustrated for that untimely ascension in title for pretty boy in that magazine issue that was published the VERY DAY of this thing blowing up and also from which you will never be able to remove the egg off of your face)

So, here is an old proverb... probably not... I often lie...
"cheaters never prosper"(except for the three Super Bowls that they "won")

And yes, I do realize that for writing this tirade, my just rewards will be having the Steelers lose to the Tapriots in December... and the Tapriots will probably win the damned Super Bowl again just to rub it into the country that they are THAT-DAMNED-GOOD....... I loathe them..... probably because they beat the Steelers twice on the way to those Super Bowls and most assuredly cheated against Pittsburgh as well....and they did it IN Pittsburgh too! I mean of all the teams in the league where you need some help picking up defense.... ugh... they HAD to cheat to beat the Steelers.... it's so obvious(?).... the c*%k knockers...

So yeah... I am feeling good about running with the total assumption that the New England Tapriots stole some AFC Championships from the Pittsburgh Steelers and Bill Cowher
I am a child in a corner....so there...

Enjoy my Nanna and my Nanna, along with not one, but two Boo s

So they say it’s my birthday....

Original Posting on August 27, 2007



I sit here tonight needing to be asleep and having only a few hours before class starts. I sit here very humble and appreciative. And I am content. And I feel accomplished.



Ahhh stem cells…. it's what's for dinner.
It was three years ago today in a hospital room at Northside in Atlanta. For me it was the beginning of a new beginning. Oddly enough, I have seen no less than a half of a dozen celebrities (or names of newsmakers) fall to leukemia since that August day in 2004. So why am I so fortunate? Fill in your own thoughts for that one my friends.

The one-year mark was monumental and two years meant nothing but positive things. Now at three years, I feel that this ever-so-slow exhaling of relief can probably be completed. Oh perhaps it is not absolute, but there are no absolutes with anything, is there? Tomorrow is never promised, but I am sure that you have heard that one before. So yeah, I was told that with the passing of these 1,100 days, I would pretty much no longer be required to be seen or drilled on a year-to-year basis. My lower back thanks them.


So, today was a huge today. Today was a milestone. And I did thank many people. I received some e-mails, some phone calls, some text messages, and saw some people in person. And I wanted to thank everyone again.


I thought about it tonight and I realize that I kinda just blew it off like it was not a big deal. Actually, it was and it is. And reflecting on the weekend, there are people that wished me a "congrats" that I would never have considered to remember (or even know about) August 26th. And that is where the "humble and appreciative" part comes in.


"no man is a failure who has friends"


Thank You
Chris


Just a three-year old in Atlanta